Tommys Thoughts

How To Shower Like A Woman

• Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry hamper according to lights and darks.
• Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown.
• If you see your husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.
• Look at your womanly physique in the mirror - make mental note - must do more sit-ups.
• Get in the shower. Use face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth, long loofah, wide loofah and pumice stone.
• Wash your hair once with Cucumber and Sage shampoo with 43 added vitamins.
• Wash your hair again to make sure it’s clean.
• Condition your hair with Grapefruit Mint conditioner enhanced with natural avocado oil.
• Leave on hair for fifteen minutes.
• Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for ten minutes until red.
• Wash entire rest of body with Ginger Nut and Jaffa Cake body wash.
• Rinse conditioner off hair (you must make sure that it has all come off).
• Shave armpits and legs. Consider shaving bikini area but decide to get it waxed instead.
• Scream loudly when your husband flushes the toilet and you lose the water pressure.
• Turn off the shower. Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower. Spray mold spots with Tilex.
• Get out of shower. Dry with towel the size of a small country.
• Wrap hair in super absorbent second towel.
• Check entire body for the remotest sign of a zit, tweeze hairs.
• Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head.
• If you see your husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas and then sashay to bedroom to spend and hour and a half getting dressed.

How To Shower Like A Man

• Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in a pile.
• Walk naked to the bathroom.
• If you see your wife along the way, shake wiener at her making the “woo-woo” sound.
• Look at your manly physique in the mirror and suck in your gut to see if you have pecs (no).
• Admire the size of your wiener in the mirror and scratch your ass.
• Fart.
• Get in the shower.
• Don’t bother to look for a washcloth (you don’t use one).
• Wash your face.
• Wash your armpits.
• Blow your nose in your hands, then let the water just rinse it off.
• Crack up at how loud your fart sounds in the shower.
• Majority of time is spent washing your privates and surrounding area.
• Wash your butt, leaving those coarse butt hairs on the soap bar.
• Shampoo your hair (do not use conditioner).
• Make a shampoo Mohawk.
• Peek out of shower curtain to look at yourself in the mirror again.
• Pee (in the shower).
• Rinse off and get out of the shower.
• Fail to notice water on the floor because you left the curtain hanging out of the tub the whole time.
• Partially dry off.
• Look at yourself in the mirror, flex muscles, admire wiener size again.
• Leave shower curtain open and wet bath mat on the floor.
• Leave bathroom fan and light on.
• Return to the bedroom with towel around your waist.
• If you pass your wife, pull off the towel, shake wiener at her, and make the “woo-woo” sound again.
• Throw wet towel on the bed.
• Get dressed in under two minutes.
• Fart