Accept that some days you’re the pigeon, and some days you’re the statue.
Always keep your words soft and sweet, just in case you have to eat them.
Always read stuff that will make you look good if you die in the middle of it..
Drive carefully. It’s not only cars that can be recalled by their maker.
If you can’t be kind, at least have the decency to be vague.
If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of car payments.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.
Never buy a car you can’t push.
Never eat yellow snow.
Never put both feet in your mouth at the same time, because then you don’t have a leg to stand on.
There are very few personal problems that cannot be solved through a suitable application of high explosives.
When everything’s coming your way, you’re in the wrong lane.
Be nice to the nerds and geeks in high school — you’ll be working for them in the future.
